Zuck’s GPU Hunger Games: Trading Human Teammates for H100s

Headline: Meta’s New HR Policy: If You Don’t Have a Heat Sink, You’re Fired

Mark Zuckerberg is on a mission, and that mission is to own every single Nvidia H100 chip on the planet. The gossip coming out of Menlo Park today is grim but hilarious in a dark way. To fund the eye-watering $145 billion AI bill, Meta is reportedly preparing for another massive "Efficiency Season" (read: layoffs) on May 20th.

The internal joke at Meta right now is the "Human-to-GPU Exchange Rate." Current estimates suggest that firing one senior engineer pays for approximately 0.05% of a new AI cluster. People are literally walking around the office trying to look as "robotic" as possible to prove their value. "I saw a guy in marketing wearing a heatsink as a hat just to blend in," one anonymous leaker claimed on Blind.

While Zuck sells $25 billion in bonds to buy more silicon, the remaining employees are being told to use AI to do the jobs of the three people who were sitting next to them last week. It’s a classic "Hunger Games" scenario, but the prize isn’t food—it’s staying on the payroll long enough to see the Metaverse actually happen (spoiler: it won’t). If you see a sudden influx of "Ex-Meta" profiles on LinkedIn next week, just know that their salaries were sacrificed to the Great God of Compute.